I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting with my client and had just said something that was so good I surprised myself. I was new to private practice, and it was one of the first times that I didn’t know what I wanted to say until I said it, and then I thought “Wow! That’s good! Where did that come from?”
Here’s what I had said: “Do you know how to get people to take you seriously? You take yourSELF seriously.” Bam. Mic drop.
Well, at least it was for me. Years before, I remembered working so hard on having healthy boundaries, and couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working. I would set a boundary, then get all squirrelly and scared and back down.
Because I wasn’t taking myself (and my needs, desires, boundaries, etc) seriously, I experienced what many of us have - that feeling of “I’m setting boundaries, but no one is respecting them, so…maybe boundaries (or MY boundaries) don’t work.” Or “If only they would respect my boundaries, then things would be good.”
I forgot, or didn’t really realize yet, that I was the one holding the reins. I needed to be the one holding the boundary, not them.
Over time I realized this: when I took MY boundaries seriously, others did. When I didn’t take my boundaries seriously, nobody did. No one was going to care about my boundaries more than I did. End of story.
So, I started taking myself seriously. Yes, some people in my life weren’t happy about it. But here is what I GAINED: Myself. I learned that no matter what, I would have my OWN back. That if people did not respect my boundaries, I knew what to do about that and how to still take care of myself.
And those in my life that were upset? I realized that they went one of two ways.
1. Some of them weren’t really ever interested in growing or learning or respecting my boundaries anyway. I acted accordingly.
2. Some of them sat up, looked at me and said “Oh! She means business! She’s serious.” And then respected my boundaries. Like I did.
Can you relate? If so, write YES in the comments. And if you’re in California and would like a therapist to walk through this journey with you, give me a call at 760-776-0670 or click here to set up a consultation call.
Now go live your life taking yourSELF seriously. You’re worth it!